These are the chronicles of the great men of the Ancient Order of the Washers.
So the King, Baruch Okpabio chose these men from among the men of Sumeria:
Blazok, son of Ogirinya the warrior
Nnabloz the Chutite
Arinzev the Olukite
Anakin, the son of Aj
Kulata, the wise
Keblaade the Salamite
Skilobolo the Sheriphite
Maestrodamuz the Keluite
Festacus the son of Bubuzin and
Tomiz the Ladipite
And the King spake to them saying,
“Choose ye your territory and be Lord over it. For I shall have peace in my Land.”
When they departed from the presence of the King, the Washers assembled themselves together to determine the task before them. And the Blazok spake to the Washers thus:
“Behold let us share among us the women of Sumeria, according to their type. Lest there be war amongst us. For a man would be consumed by jealousy if his brother were to encroach upon his territory to administer ‘mosas’.”
And so it was that Blazok, the son of Ogirinya assigned unto himself all that were of blessed bosom. For such endowments pleased him greatly. Arinzev also assigned unto himself all that were of blessed hips and backside. For he declared that Blokkoz had appeared to him in a dream, charging him to be a worthy shepherd to women of such stature. Nnabloz was assigned to those with long hair. For Nerez the Prophetess had prophesied about him that he shall be entrapped by the long hair of a woman. Unto Festacus was given the mandate to comfort those in the colder lands of the North. Tomiz was given power to command the beauties of the warmer East. Unto Kulata was given the keys to those who were advanced in age. For King Baruch had decreed that they needed love too! Anakin was given to the virgins. Unto Keblaade was committed the territory of Laguza, a rich enclave of the finest Sumerian women. The Washers sent Skilobolo to the young and restless for he understood them.
And Maestrodamuz was greatly displeased that all the territories were taken, so he vowed to be the roaming washer, freely moving from territory to territory, sampling the fruits of beauty.
And so it was, that there was peace, for the Washers ministered unto the Sumerian women with zeal and devotion and there were few left that were not pleased.
But the wants of a woman are insatiable.
A time came that a group of Sumerian women named the “Nemferj” (I.e. Husbandless) came unto the King and protested heavily to him thus:
“Oh King, may it please you that we, the Nemferj, be recognized as a separate territory to the Washers, so that we might be allocated our own dedicated Washer to tend to our immense needs? For if our needs be not met nor our demands acceded to, we shall surely rebel against you and your kingdom shall fall.”
And the king, being distraught by this, journeyed to the isle of Utakoz, to the abode of Bubuzin, the great. And he sought counsel from the wise man. And when Bubuzin beheld the King, he welcomed him and charged virgins to wash his feet. But the King was still distraught. And Bubuzin demanded of the King, to know the matter that vexed him. And the King told Bubuzin of the demands of the Nemferj.
And Bubuzin laughed.
Then, having finished rolling on the floor with laughter, the Great Bubuzin spake to the King thus:
“Behold, oh wise and great King, this matter shalt not be a long thing. For this was foretold by the great Oracle of Utunu. Only he that hath sworn the eternal oath of Ferj a Nemferj can satisfy the Nemferj! Go, oh King. Summon unto you the Washers and demand a man, willing to sacrifice himself for this cause. For a man under the oath shalt not take a woman in marriage until his lips betouch the bossom of a Tarok virgin. If there be a volunteer, place him under the oath. If there be none, kill all the washers!”
And the King was pleased with the Great Bubuzin and gave unto him chests of gold and diamonds and many precious stones.
So the King did as he was told. And behold, Blazok, the son of Ogirinya volunteered himself for the cause. And he swore a great oath to the Nemferj and the Nemferj accepted him.
From then onwards, he was known as the Ferj a Nemferj, that is, The Husband to the Husbandless.
(Amara’s disclaimer – This blog update was brought to you by the stupid Bubukov. I’ve been taking my pills, but he won’t go away.)