The Ancient Order of the Washers…

In 5,000 BC, in the kingdom of Sumeria in ancient  Mesopotamia, there arose a serious problem. The women of Sumeria grew restive and angry. Their complaint was simple, the men were occupied with war, farming and hunting and did not consider sexual prowess a virtue. Hence there was no joy in the bedroom and the women were scarcely satisfied.

So, the women came to beseech the great King of Sumeria, Baruch Okpabio with their complaints. Having protested to the King, they gave an ultimatum that if the problem was not resolved by the harvest of the next year, they would all defect with their daughters, to the rival kingdom, Akkadia, where the men were rumored to be virile and like “saber-toothed tigers in bed”.

The King was sore vexed with this matter as even his Queen, Zahde, had begun to show support for the idea, given that she had spent the last few months worshiping at the temple of the Blokkoz, the Akkadian god of male virility where Akkadian priests continually ministered to her.

The ritual administered by the Akkadian priests in beseeching the god Blokkoz to help satisfy a woman was known as “Mosas” which translates to “washing” in modern English.

The King consulted with his wisest advisers as to what to do to save his kingdom from absolute collapse. However, it was the great Bubuzin, his wisest adviser that spoke up to the King and said:

“Oh King, thou must select thine strongest and wisest men – men blessed and endowed by the god Blokkoz. Thou must choose them from all heights and all colors. Thou must select them in their youth. For they shall be unto you an order. And they shall learn the ways of the men of Akkadia. And they shall also be trained in other areas where a woman is to be suitably satisfied – including the skills of Mosas. Thou shall give them the freedom of our land, to serve the women of our land. They shall minister to all their needs and see to it that this serious grievance is put to rest.”

So the King, Baruch Okpabio, hearkened unto the voice of the great Bubuzin and established for himself an order. He chose 10 men, 1 each from each tribe of Sumeria. These men were chosen by the Priestesses of Blokkoz who testified that indeed they were blessed of the god Blokkoz. They were men, with honey at the tip of their tongue whose lips could keep a secret. Their order was called “Azalatetek” or in English: “The Washers”.

So it was, that these men fanned out across Sumeria and quenched the thirst in the land. The grievances of the women were taken away… and there was peace in Sumeria.

This short story was brought to you by Bubukov. Expect more installments 🙂